Sex, Infidelity, and the Suppressed Masculine Impulse

I was having dinner with a friend and he asked me about the work I’m doing: helping tech-minded guys attract women and build meaningful relationships.It wasn’t long before we were talking about his relationship and some of the difficulties he’s facing. And you know what? Some difficulties are completely unnecessary.His struggle is too common. He is in love with his partner and committed to their relationship. But, he has a confusing desire – an impulse to have sex with other women.Now, he doesn’t act on that impulse. But he does feel incredibly ashamed of it. And he tries to bottle it up, ignore it, and pretend it doesn’t exist.It was hard for him to talk about this, he had such a sense of shame and guilt. When I told him I often feel this way too, his entire body relaxed and I could hear the relief in his voice. It’s natural. In fact, most guys tell me they have this same desire.If you want to feel YOUR POWER and FREEDOM, then you must be honest with yourself. In a healthy and mature relationship, you can be honest with your partner too.Women are incredibly intuitive, she will feel it within you anyways. And if you’re not honest with her about it, she won’t be able to fully trust you. She may not consciously know why, but at a deeper level she will feel the disparity between what you are feeling and what you are saying.(FYI – Trust is the #1 indicator of long-term relationship success)Now, most people like to live in a relationship with the unspoken understanding that you lie about this. He lies to himself about his taboo desire. And she lies to herself about what she knows in her bones to be true. Both choosing the unrealistic fantasy of perfect fidelity down to the instinctual impulse.This is what I call a fear based relationship …he is afraid of what he feels inside of himself. And both partners are afraid that their relationship wont survive the truth. They would rather live meekly ignoring their human nature.* TO IGNORE WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER *In the long term – the shame and guilt combined with the constant suppression will lead to one of two outcomes. Either a “successful” repression that results in a complete and forceful denial of a natural part of yourself. By the way, this act kills some of your vigor and passion for life.Or, it will culminate in an explosion. Where the impulse can no longer be denied and is acted out, almost uncontrollably. The pressure builds up and the force can no longer be contained.Obviously, neither of these outcomes are what we want for ourselves, our partners, or our relationships.Although it can be frightening to bring this out of the dark. And the adjustment might even be painful when the thin veil of security falls. The effect of real honesty in relationship is liberating… healthy… and deeply satisfying.If you can face these inner shames, these natural impulses that we judge so harshly. You can bring a whole new depth of intimacy into your relationship. You can stop wasting energy on hiding and suppressing parts of yourself and redirect that energy into creative expression – into living your life more passionately.– Take Away –* A message for Men: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF (and with your partner if you have one)* A message for Women: he may carry a lot of shame around this, be gentle and accepting if you want him to be honest with youP.S. If you are a man and want to learn how to connect with your natural masculine power, attract women and build meaningful relationships send me a private message and let’s talk.

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